Thanks to sfguard:
Finding a happy middle ground is difficult to do. There are sights out there dedicated to testing ammo. Here is a link to one. If you haven't been there yet go check out different results for yourself. I know they have tested Extreme Shock and others.
http://www.theboxotruth.com/
pistolcompetitor:
Hi slowdraw--
Welcome to the forum. I've been researching this as well since I live in an apartment complex. My own 0.02 is that the expanding rounds such as hollow points would reduce the chances of over-penetration. Frangible rounds, which I think are the same as the fragmenting rounds you're mentioning, concern me a little because they run the risk of under penetration, leading to a less-than-lethal strike.
tedg95:
Penetration and bullet placement over any "magic" bullet configuration. My favorite defense load was one of my own.... 230 grain Hornady FMJ conical over as much Unique I could pack in the case without blowing out the primer. I wanted through and through penetration. Two holes, no waiting.
230therapy:
(too much to post

)
coop:
(again, much info to think about)
and Don:
i never use fragmenting ammo as it's very inconsistent. even at 10mm velocities it often only penetrates only 6-7 inches. either that or it doesn't fragment at all and performs more like a FMJ bullet.
sfguard's box o' truth link is a good example of this. i was actually offered a few boxes of that extreme shock crap for free by a relative recently, and turned it down. obscenely expensive garbage is all it is lol
for home defense, if you're concerned about excessive penetration, there's plenty of low power 10mm from the major ammo makers that's not too far off 40cal. federal personal defense 10mm comes to mind.
i actually have full power 10mm in my G29, but it's not my first go to gun for home defense, and my neighbors aren't that close
when i get my CCW and carry my G29, i will still keep full power loads in it.
**For all this great and valuable info! Can't say it enough guys, your experience and insight is good and it's wonderfull that you share it! As I'm sure this question is asked alot, can we make this a sticky? Something like "Considerations of residential personal defense ammo"? And if I've missed anyone that contributed here, forgive me and thank you!