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I got this in my email today and thought you guys might enjoy it.

These are supposedly actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos. Don't know how true it is but it's funny nonetheless.

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate
a worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime
Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here."
 
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I have saw those before. They are funny. Almost makes me wish I was working the streets again I would probably use a couple of them.
 

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Thinking back I do believe I have used this one:


"Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
 

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I've used variations of some of those. I used the one about the cuffs being tight after having seen this list previously and open using a new set of cuffs for the first time.

Back in my sergeanting days I was dealing with a bunch of frat boys that got into a fight. One of them thought he would put me in my place and called the PD demanding to speak to the supervisor... I thought it was hilarious. He was a bit slow on the uptake.
 

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17. "Do you know who my dad is?" Cop says, "Why, your mama never told you?"

Lol, I heard that one on a movie but never had the chance to say it.
 

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My favorite!

18. Officer: Sir,do you know how fast you were going"? (In a 55 MPH zone)
Me: Well, officer, I was doing about 60 when I saw you.
Officer: Well, you were doing 69 when I saw you! Sign Here!

Two weeks later in the same spot:

Officer: "You don't giveup easily, do you?

I no longer drive on that road!
 

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My favorite!

18. Officer: Sir,do you know how fast you were going"? (In a 55 MPH zone)
Me: Well, officer, I was doing about 60 when I saw you.
Officer: Well, you were doing 69 when I saw you! Sign Here!

Two weeks later in the same spot:

Officer: "You don't giveup easily, do you?

I no longer drive on that road!
Me: Just a slow learner
 

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Revisited

"Old Man, a Corvette and Interstate 90"
A Montana senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette
convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed
it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had
left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-90, pushing the pedal even
more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Montana State
Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100
mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too
old for this!"and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his
vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then
said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can
give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard --
I'll let you go."

The old gentleman then said: "Three years ago, my wife
ran off with a Montana State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her
back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
 

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a friend was going to Nashville Tn. he was on I-24 were it intersects with I-65, speeding with everyone else. a police officer picks him out of the crowded highway, he pulls over and got the ticket. my friend asked why he got him instead of the others and the officer said " well it's kind of like fishing, you can't get them all".
 

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He was speeding. Doing it in a group doesn't negate that fact. I know as I've tried it before too. :)
 

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a friend was going to Nashville Tn. he was on I-24 were it intersects with I-65, speeding with everyone else. a police officer picks him out of the crowded highway, he pulls over and got the ticket. my friend asked why he got him instead of the others and the officer said " well it's kind of like fishing, you can't get them all".
My sister in law used to have a red IROC Z-28. She got picked out of a line of about five cars all speeding. The cop told her he pulled her over because she had the red sports car. Sometimes it pays to be "The Grey Man".
 
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